I was talking to some friends of mine this past weekend about bugs. Well, bugs aren't the preferred nomenclature. Insect Americans, please. Okay, fine, just bugs. The point is, we were talking about the different type of pest-bugs. Centipedes, termites, cockroaches, hell bugs. You know, the nasty ones. One of the panelists, were this a panel and not a bunch of random people around a table at an "all the beer you can drink" birthday party, is somewhat of an entomologist. That means she likes and studies bugs. Well, she prefers the term
So through the haze of Yuengling a thought came to me -- I thought it was genius at the time. Our resident almost-entomologist could develop the ultimate pest-control liquid or gas or gatling gun or aircraft carrier. Something to definitely put those hell bugs in their place. If she could come up with such a weapon, she wouldn't only be helping humanity, she'd be doing God's work. Where, after all, do you think hell
The best part, at least it seemed the best part to a beer-soaked mind, was that I had thought of it so ...
-- You know what, I'm going to cut right to the point. She said the reason that there wasn't an ultimate bug-killer was because if someone invented such a thing, they would put themselves out of business. Like a cannonball to the face, reason hit and the fog cleared.
I had planned to make the rest of that story more amusing. Really, I did. But while I was typing this up, I received a call from the good folks at "Late Show with David Letterman." Paddy O'Wife and I were chosen to attend a taping next week!!
Do a dance! Do a dance! Do a
Wahoo! Yippee! And ¡hasta mañana!
DO A DANCE!
Today is "Dance" Day! C'mon, you know what's next: Do a dance!
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What do you mean by chosen? Is there a velvet rope policy to attend The Late Show?
Are you going to be doing “Name that cut of meat” or attempting to slingshot yourself across the alley using Biff’s “massive manzier”?
I think you need to elaborate on your Late Show plans and when I can see you in the crowd.
By Michael Lorenzo on Jun 7, 2005
Just to make things clear, centipedes are NOT insects, and much less, Insect Americans. They are truly hell “bugs,” with too many creepy crawly legs….I would put myself out of business by creating the ultimate hell bug poison gas any day in order to get rid of those things!
By Vanessa on Jun 8, 2005
To get tickets you have to fill out some form and then they ask you a question like “What’s your favorite part of the show, besides the usual stuff like the Top Ten List?” I said it was when Dave’s on 53rd throwing footballs into moving cabs. Amber panicked and sounded as if she had no idea who David Letterman even was. Despite that, we were put into a lottery. Not exactly a velvet rope, but after Amber’s fumble I thought our application would end up in the trash. Happily, I was wrong. We’re even on Adam’s “gold” list. I don’t know who Adam is, but apparently his standards of “gold” aren’t too high.
I’d be willing to play a round of “Name That Meat,” but I don’t think I’d enjoy taking flight from Biff’s undergarment. If there’s “Name That Meat,” look for me trying running up to Dave to be chosen (and summarily being escorted out by security). Beyond that, I’m not sure where I’ll be, but there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll be escorted out by security none the less.
–Vanessa, get to work on that bug eliminator, please.
By oZ on Jun 9, 2005