10. Constructing my own private Thunderdome: two squirrels, an upside-down laundry basket, and an acorn wrapped in bacon. Two squirrels enter, one squirrel leaves.

9. Playing videogames while Paddy O'Wife was working because I'm such a good husband that I'm willing to rearrange my videogame schedule to coincide with her absence. ...I don't even believe that.

8. Writing stupid "Top Ten" lists and posting them on my blog. -- What, I don't have tickets for today.

7. Reading Michael's blog despite being called a greedy son of a bitch for trying to take his money which I wasn't trying to do anyway I swear I just happened to find those $34 in a wallet with his license and ATM card in it which he can have back except for $1.50 which I'm keeping as a fee.

6. Taking pictures of my seemingly endless brood of fish and creating a comic strip containing biting commentary on the diminished state of regulated economic programs for the elderly. And the strip would have word bubbles. Get it? Bubbles, in the water. Blub-blub.

5. Dashing through a blog post at 11:56pm because I have to get one in today!

4. Petitioning for "Perfect Strangers" to come back on the air. Of course I would, don't be ridicooluss!

3. Making up sets of symptoms and sending them to a recently-graduated MD to see what they could be. Example: tenderness in seven fingers, a stuffy right nostril, pelvic twitches, and the occassional burst of Greek profanity.

2. Learning how to spell occasional.

1. Doing a rain dance but instead of rain it would be geared towards getting tickets to a taping of a television show. Rain is produced when moving your hips in a clockwise direction. TV tickets are counter-clockwise. Yup, that's the only real difference.

Bring 'em back!

Today is "Central Time Zone" Day! That means I get one extra hour, but CA loses a couple.