If you don't like the "24" television show or The Lord of the Rings movies/book, then skip to the next post (when it's posted). I won't be offended. Now, those of you with good taste, read on. -- Wait, are you still reading even though you hate "24" and The Lord of the Rings because you have nothing else to read? That's fine with me. I'm not too proud to take pity-readers. Blogger custom is to shoo away readers just once. After that, we're all smiles, except the disgruntled ones who gripe about standing in line at the post office. Welcome, one and all!

So what's the link between "24" and The Lord of the Rings? Only that Samwise Gamgee will be part of the fifth season of America's favorite two-digit show. Well, not Samwise Gamgee, per se, but the actor who played him in the movies, Sean Astin.

A digression: Yes, "Sam" was short for "Samwise." Why is that weird? In Hobbit-speak, I believe "Samuel" means "he who smells like a beast of burden." Quite undesirable. "Samwise," on the other hand, means "he who is a beast of burden." That's very appropriate. Frodo gets all the credit for saving the world but it was poor Sam who had to carry all the supplies including, but not limited to, combs for use on their hairy feet. Frodo gets a free pass to Elf-Heaven, and Sam is stuck changing mini-diapers. There is no justice on Middle Earth.

Anyway, RudySam will be on "24." I think that's rather interesting. I wonder what part he'll play. Good guy? Bad guy? Loud guy? Quiet guy? --Oh, wait, that last role's taken by Tony "The Whisperer" Almeida.

I've got it: Sam can be Jack Bauer's assistant! You know, for a change of pace. And should our hero, Jack, perish, he will probably also go to Elf-Heaven while Sam is left to clean up baby-spittle. There is no justice in CTU, either.

On the other hand, what if Sam totally snaps in the first two episodes and becomes the crazy vigilante? How cool would that be? He could be walking around, all of 3' 2", with his funny little cloak. Some guy would come up to him and be all, "Hey, little boy, gimme that shiny pin around your Superman cape" and Sam would be all, "No, sir. This is a gift from the Lady of the Woods." The bad guy would then be like, "Pfft! Whatever, kid. Gimme that!" and reach for it, at which point Sam would flip his cape up in a flourish, exposing a sawed-off shotgun in each hand. "Come again, sir?" Sam would say, and then blow a hole in the dude's stomach. Then Sam would get a call from CTU and it'd be Tony Almeida yelling at Sam for his tough tactics, but Sam wouldn't be able to hear Tony's whisper-shouting over the sound of the dude dying so he'd say "Speak up, Mr. Tony." Tony would then get mad and whisper really loudly, saying "Can you hear me now!?!?!" and Sam would say "No," and hang up even though he must have heard him to answer the question. Tony, not a great detective, wouldn't figure this out but Jack would, and that's why Jack's the star of this show. That, and because he starred in The Lost Boys.

Who doesn't enjoy an oversized
pipe after a vigilante killing spree?

Today is "Manic Monday" Day! Yup, just another Manic Monday.