I'm going to have dinner tomorrow night. That isn't a big event, since I do have dinner every night, but there's more to it if you'd just let me finish. Can I finish? It's okay, I forgive you. You were excited, I understand. Anyway, I'm going to have dinner tomorrow night that will be served by a professional hockey team.

If you're not a fan of hockey or dinner, then I guess your excitement was misplaced. Sorry.

I'm going to attend a fundraiser where the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team will be playing the part of the wait staff. Instead of passing pucks, they'll be passing plates. --Yeah, I didn't think that was particularly clever either, but all the advertisements for the event kept saying that.

So presumably these professional hockey players will be taking my order, bringing me my food, taking it back because the steak is too rare, bringing me my food again, laughing at my lame "there's a fly in my soup" joke, and getting checked into the wall. That's what I do at all restaurants, regardless of whether or not the waiter's a professional hockey player.

Y'see, serving people's food is a tough job, and some customers just like to body-check their servers into the walls. I learned that lesson when I was a waiter in high school, and I'm better for it. Sure, I lost three teeth, but that's the price of professionalism in the food service industry. Can I clear these plates for you?

Back to tomorrow, I think it's going to be a fun time. It's not often that one gets served by a hockey player. Well, at least a professional, currently-playing hockey player. I'm sure there have been plenty of pre-professional or never-made-it hockey players who were/are waiters -- just like there are "undiscovered" actors and singers and directors and assistant gaffers who are waiting tables instead of making such high quality films as Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. It's bordering on criminal that these folks have to wear their greasy aprons. Let's give them a shot, because the world is dying to know what hilarious hijinks a reluctant gigolo would get himself into on the other continents.

Hmm... I now have a dinner conversation topic. Deuce Bigalow: Antarctic Gigolo. Pure gold!

Hockey players or gigolos? Your call.

Today is "Monkey Suit" Day! Buy yourself some uncomfortable fancy-pants clothes. They can even be pants, as long as they're fancy.