I'm taking a run at "live blogging" an hour or so of the Oscars. I'm too lazy to do the whole show. Plus, I got the idea after it started. Anyway, here we go...

9:04pm - I start blogging the Oscars with no intention of continuing until the very end of the show. I'm upfront about it, so be disappointed that I don't cover the Best Motion Picture of the Year category.

9:06pm - Rachel Weisz won an Oscar! She's a cutie, especially in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. She got into a fight with some other hot mummy chick in one of those, and they were both scantily clad. That's the kind of performance that merits a special Oscar which will be presented in my home office tomorrow during lunchtime. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kelly Clarkson are also winners, as is Paddy O'Wife. Who is most likely to show up to this special awards ceremony? That's right, none of the above. Bummer.

9:10pm - I was just teased by a quick "The Oscars will be back after these messages" message. Networks should realize that they've had too many commercials playing when they have to give people an intermission and remind them that they're not watching "The Commercial Show". In fact, one could argue that that little message is a commercial break's break within a mini inverse television show. Man, I'm deep. --By the way, I just bought the first season of "The Commercial Show" on DVD. It kicks ass!

9:13pm - Lauren Bacall is having some trouble reading the teleprompter. It's making me uncomfortable.

9:14pm - Laren Bacall is no longer on TV. Comfort Level has returned to "ahh". Crisis averted.

9:17pm - Keira Knightly's commercial lobbying for Best Actress is awesome. Reese Witherspoon's is funny, which makes me think she should win. But I just realized that those weren't real commercials. Great, that commercial break's break screwed up my TV-watching. Did someone just say something about a pimp or was that a commercial for Alize?

9:21pm - Should the Oscars simply be renamed the "George Clooneys"? I think so, so I'll refer to them as such from now on.

9:22pm - March of the Penguins just won a George Clooney. That reminds me about that dinner I had with the Pittsburgh Penguins last Thursday. In fact, I think I'm going to watch the rest of the George Clooneys while wearing my autographed jersey. I'm probably going to get it framed, so I might as well enjoy wearing it before it's under glass. By the way, some lady is singing some song and it's not particularly interesting which is why I'm going off on this jersey tangent. What are the chances that Rob Zombie will make a guest appearance during this song? Oh, not very good, since the song just ended. Time for more commercials!

9:42pm - The phone's ringing. I don't know who it is, but I'm busy watching the George Clooneys and live blogging so I'll let it ring. Oh, there's the answering machine. Nope, no message. I hope it wasn't Rachel Weisz calling to get directions for tomorrow's special George Clooney award ceremony.

9:59pm - There really hasn't been a lot going on with the George Clooneys. A few montages, a few commercials, a few montages about commercials.

10:02pm - Whoa, the Invisible Woman and the Hulk are presenting a George Clooney! You know what both of them have in common in terms of movie magic? They can both disappear! The Invisible Woman can disappear because, well, that's her superpower. The Hulk can disappear because he's green and can utilize green-screen technology. These are the kinds of connections that I see in the world every day. They are also the issues that keep me up at night. But now this one is solved, so tonight I'll sleep the sound sleep of accomplishment.

10:07pm - I'm going to go get a soda.

10:09pm - I'm back from getting a soda. Did you miss me?

10:14pm - Crap, I bet it was Rachel Weisz calling. Who else could it possibly have been? Damn you, George Clooneys! Well, I want to be available to pick up the phone when Jennifer Love Hewitt calls, so I'm done for the evening. Good night, and good luck! --See what I did there? I ended my post with the name of a movie being nominated for a George Clooney tonight. Except that by explaining this, I didn't end it with that name. However, I do have one more shot at it...

¡Buenas noches, y buena suerte!

Today is "Rob a Celebrity's House" Day! They're not home, they're at the George Clooneys!