My latest complaint about winter is the constant shocks that come with touching, well, pretty much everything. Touch a wall: zap! Touch a car: zap! Touch my cat: zap! And scratch!

Ow.

And the worst zaps are "twitchers," the zaps that actually make some muscles twitch and therefore cause me to move involuntarily. I turned off a lamp with a metal chain recently, and the twitcher almost caused me to yank it off the table. Then a few minutes later I tried to open the fridge but every time I grabbed the door handle, I headbutted the fridge door and shut it. After four attempts, not only was I no longer hungry, I was convinced that I was the Easter bunny.

Since then, and until the weather is reasonable again, I'm wearing surgical gloves 'round the clock. Sure, I get strange looks when I go out in public, but my head no longer hurts and I've stopped trying to hide eggs in my neighbors' front yards.