This past weekend was a lot of fun. I went to southern Maryland for a wedding and also had the opportunity to hang out with some friends and family. Assuming you don't live there, have you been to the Washington, DC, area recently to see any friends and family?

I know you must know someone there -- the DC area's population combined with social probability dictates that you know a southern Maryland or northern Virginia resident. I think the average population density statewide is something like 1,000 people per square foot, give or take a square inch. I don't need any fancy numbers or "facts" to justify that statement. That's just my assumption based on the never-ending Beltway traffic, but I'm pretty sure I'm close.

New York City, incidentally, has a comparable density, but it's justified given the amazing delis that NYC has. That city shouldn't be called "The Big Apple," it should be called "The Big and Tasty Reuben Sandwich." I'm really hungry now.

But back to Maryland/Washington, DC. Where do all those people come from? I have (as usual) a theory. The employment opportunities in the nation's capitol is an easy answer, but I think there's more to it than that. I think the people who live there just have an unnaturally long lifespan. Well, unnatural for humans, but just right for turtles. About 150 years a person or so. It must be something in the water, or in the crabcakes, or in the crabs that live in the water that eventually become the crabcakes. Such a lifespan means that apartments aren't vacated as quickly as they are in NYC, so the number of people just piles up.

Regardless of the cause, I have it on good authority (my own once again) that the University of Maryland chose terrapins (a.k.a. turtles) as their mascot to clue in astute symbologists, marine biologists, and yes, bloggers, to this longer life span phenomenon. It's like The Da Vinci Code, except without the creepy guy who hurts himself. Unless you're in the car with me when I'm stuck in Beltway traffic, in which case I'm the creepy guy banging my head repeatedly on the steering wheel.

Honk honk! What's the holdup?