Recently, The Host and I had a "preview evening," also known as babysitting our nephew. Truth be told, The Host did the bulk of the baby-care while I was surfing the internet and watching TV. So it was a very accurate "preview evening" indeed!

I suddenly got a very strong mental image of The Host hitting me with two frying pans, each with a brick duct-taped to it.

Anyway, between reading video game blogs and watching re-runs of "Scrubs," I came to a realization: the same rules that apply to bears apply to babies.

Baby/Bear Rules
Rule 1: The only circumstances under which you should wake a sleeping baby are the same circumstances for waking a sleeping bear (i.e., never).

Rule 2: If a baby is in need of something, it will let you know of its need just like a bear would (i.e., opening its maw and making terrifying noises).

Rule 3: A baby poops in the same place a bear poops (i.e., wherever it is when it needs to poop).

Rule 4: A baby's ideal proximity to electronics, especially to my video games, should be the same as a bear's ideal proximity to electronics (i.e., at least a mile).

Rule 5: A house should be baby-proofed the same way a house should be bear-proofed (i.e., strategically-placed barbed wire and an emergency tranquilizer rifle hidden in every room).

So while my wife reads The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy, I'll be reading The Rangers' Guide to Wild Kodiak Grizzlies. You know, to cover all the bases.