I suddenly got a very strong mental image of The Host hitting me with two frying pans, each with a brick duct-taped to it.

Anyway, between reading video game blogs and watching re-runs of "Scrubs," I came to a realization: the same rules that apply to bears apply to babies.

Baby/Bear Rules
Rule 1: The only circumstances under which you should wake a sleeping baby are the same circumstances for waking a sleeping bear (i.e., never).

Rule 2: If a baby is in need of something, it will let you know of its need just like a bear would (i.e., opening its maw and making terrifying noises).

Rule 3: A baby poops in the same place a bear poops (i.e., wherever it is when it needs to poop).

Rule 4: A baby's ideal proximity to electronics, especially to my video games, should be the same as a bear's ideal proximity to electronics (i.e., at least a mile).

Rule 5: A house should be baby-proofed the same way a house should be bear-proofed (i.e., strategically-placed barbed wire and an emergency tranquilizer rifle hidden in every room).

So while my wife reads The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy, I'll be reading The Rangers' Guide to Wild Kodiak Grizzlies. You know, to cover all the bases.

During the movie's climax, Bill and Ted realize they need some help getting out of some sticky situations. Knowing that they have access to a time traveling phone booth (seriously, entertainment industry, be embarrassed), the dimwitted duo make mental notes to later use that phone booth to go back in time and leave themselves helpful objects (keys, etc.).

Brilliant!

Bill and Ted realize that their present will, in the future, become the past. And from the future, when it is the present, they can return to the past to help themselves in that past, which from their original perspective is the present. Why don't all time travelers realize this?

To further the point, during a battle with their nemesis, Bill and Ted have to outwit the villain who is also using this technique. One might think, "Well, Bill and Ted's mental notes are predicated on the assumption that they're successful. And the villain also assumes he's successful. Isn't this a flaw in the movie's time travel technique?"

One might be wrong.

Bill and Ted, knowing the villain also makes the assumption, trick the villain by providing him with a harmless version of his plan (planting a gun, I believe). Bill and Ted, I imagine, had to assume their success, then remember to later go back in time, find the villain's planted gun, then swap that gun with a gag gun. That's some impressive temporal mental acrobatics for a pair of air-guitaring fools who can barely pass high school.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is certainly not an example of time travel done right in all facets, but I think on this particular point, they have a leg up on some other movies and shows. I'm looking at you, Star Trek. Perhaps the Federation could use some of its many methods for time travel to apply Bill and Ted's principles and avoid wars, defeat the Borg, and save "Enterprise" from cancellation.

Yeah, this keeps me up at night.

PS: While writing this post, I came across an interesting article: Temporal Anomalies in Time Travel Movies unravels Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. It makes some good arguments, but I just spent about an hour writing this post so we'll have to agree to disagree on some points.